this girl who asked me all these rude questions about my brother's wedding is getting on my nerves. next time i'll punch her. today i was telling her how my cousin is getting married to a muslim guy (my intention was to say i am going home) and for some reason she brought the subject back to me. she's so annoying with her do this and that. i'm not asking you for advice and stop making conclusions or judging. *roll eyes* ask your parents to find you a boy and mind your own business.
i need fresh air. i realized i no longer like what i am doing and some people just make work a drag. To spend 90% of my time there is killing me. it's no longer fun nor interesting as it used to be and management operations is becoming so bitchy. i spend every afternoon dozing because i'm exhausted.
i also came to the conclusion that 99% taxi drivers from all star taxi are frauds-or any taxi company that is. they always keep the change for themselves and one even had the guts to ask me how much i wanted back..hello??? i had everything from the driver who took the longest route on purpose to make more money and one who tried to convince me we called his company when it was not. they take it for granted that spare change is theirs and this is what irks me the most, just like people expecting you to tip them just because they serve you. I'm working on ways to have exact change from now one as some even keep> $1 for them. since when do taxis expect tip as well?
I do think tipping and spare change is being taken for granted in this country. I even had some cashiers bitching at a dim sum restaurant because they thought the tip was too low *snort* the service was bad and we still need to give them free money?? what crazy world is this becoming?
did pilates for 2 days and now my body hurts..*sigh*
Monday, February 20, 2012
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
ah gossips
After the initial surprise, shock and speculations, I came to the conclusion: who give a damn? Whatever you do or say people will always criticize or condemn.
However what I find scary is when many women get together only to bitch, rant and gossip. The worse? The same person who could be smiling and be super friendly with you infront of everyone, is whispering/making fun about you in your back. It's like a group of hens clucking together and women in groups can be so unforgiving. Seriously some days at work makes me think of high school and it does not bother me to be the last person in the know or not to know current news. as long as it's not related to my job, i don't really care.
I learned to stay away from some people after seeing how they were gossiping negatively about someone with whom they were supposed to be best buddies. Can't people talk about general matters? In general men tend to talk about general stuffs or work related while women it's always about them or somebody else they hate or dislike..women thrive in spitting their envy or jealousy of other people..no wonder medusa had a woman's face.
I was surprised and glad to hear one co-worker saying she liked talking to me because I don't ask her personal questions. I find it rude to go to someone i just met and ask questions like: are you married, you have how many kids, are you dating etc.. Maybe that's just me. you get these answers in conversations naturally when you get to know someone better because people will always mention their kids, husbands once the conversations start to flow.
I did not appreciate how for my brother's wedding, one girl wanted to know how much he paid for his wedding, if he paid my flight tkts etc..the same person asked me if i was dating when we first started speaking. often she tries to convince me that now is the time to be in a relationship, get married and have kids..?!?!?!?! helllo??
maybe I think differently and I'm more private than some who go and tell to whoever who want to listen to them on the floor about their bad relationship etc.. I do understand we all want attention, want to be liked and when you listen to people telling you about their personal life, it's like you're being a confident but at the end of the day, the whole floor knows it..and it's work..not your therapist office.
the day the management decides to fire you, do you think your so called best friend co-worker will come forward and defend you? do you think your manager with whom you're buddy buddy will come to apologize? no. what they do is; they let you pick up your stuffs and escort you to the door. period.
maybe i'm cynical .i learned to protect my back since high school from nasty people and to trust my intuition about people because often it hurts more than it is worth it. i'm not looking to be Miss popular nor be loved. I'm just looking for respect and be on neutral grounds. i mind my business.
it's just all too deja vu like when I was working at mcb: different countries, same people and same personalities.
However what I find scary is when many women get together only to bitch, rant and gossip. The worse? The same person who could be smiling and be super friendly with you infront of everyone, is whispering/making fun about you in your back. It's like a group of hens clucking together and women in groups can be so unforgiving. Seriously some days at work makes me think of high school and it does not bother me to be the last person in the know or not to know current news. as long as it's not related to my job, i don't really care.
I learned to stay away from some people after seeing how they were gossiping negatively about someone with whom they were supposed to be best buddies. Can't people talk about general matters? In general men tend to talk about general stuffs or work related while women it's always about them or somebody else they hate or dislike..women thrive in spitting their envy or jealousy of other people..no wonder medusa had a woman's face.
I was surprised and glad to hear one co-worker saying she liked talking to me because I don't ask her personal questions. I find it rude to go to someone i just met and ask questions like: are you married, you have how many kids, are you dating etc.. Maybe that's just me. you get these answers in conversations naturally when you get to know someone better because people will always mention their kids, husbands once the conversations start to flow.
I did not appreciate how for my brother's wedding, one girl wanted to know how much he paid for his wedding, if he paid my flight tkts etc..the same person asked me if i was dating when we first started speaking. often she tries to convince me that now is the time to be in a relationship, get married and have kids..?!?!?!?! helllo??
maybe I think differently and I'm more private than some who go and tell to whoever who want to listen to them on the floor about their bad relationship etc.. I do understand we all want attention, want to be liked and when you listen to people telling you about their personal life, it's like you're being a confident but at the end of the day, the whole floor knows it..and it's work..not your therapist office.
the day the management decides to fire you, do you think your so called best friend co-worker will come forward and defend you? do you think your manager with whom you're buddy buddy will come to apologize? no. what they do is; they let you pick up your stuffs and escort you to the door. period.
maybe i'm cynical .i learned to protect my back since high school from nasty people and to trust my intuition about people because often it hurts more than it is worth it. i'm not looking to be Miss popular nor be loved. I'm just looking for respect and be on neutral grounds. i mind my business.
it's just all too deja vu like when I was working at mcb: different countries, same people and same personalities.
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
random thoughts
finished reading American dervish and i'll admit i found the book a bit disturbing and the end left me with a taste of "not enough". This book had a lot of potential but it did lacked character growth and one thing that puzzles me w/ books in general about muslims is that they are rarely portrayed in an advantageous light or maybe it's because I always come across books that describes the negative side of islam than the positive especially with the degrading treatment of women. Reading about the Shafia's case in the newspaper does not help either. The book is not bad. It started well for me but the end was like..blehhh...
It just makes me wonder if there are regular muslims out there, meaning a guy who is not a fanatic of the religion, treats woman decently etc..
There are bigots in every religion and one thing that breaks my heart is woman's status. I don't understand how it can be taken for granted that women are impure or damned because of their monthly periods or because she ate the apple... I am really surprise when some people talk as if women deserve all the suffering (pms, birth pain etc..) because she ate the apple. Hello???? Even for the periods, should we remind them that it is from the woman's impure blood that they were f****g borne? How can people blindly believe such spin up tales in order to justify woman's abuse. Do they think women chose to be the one to bear the child and go though 9 months of danger and child birth pain-which NO man will ever know how it hurts even if they get hit in their nuts!!?- or that any being choose to be borne a woman to be stigmatized if she has the misfortune of being in the wrong culture?
I don't understand how across the globes, the patriarch culture is what dominates and often women are just commodities. I would agree though that woman's status today is better than before and I am glad I was not borne earlier but still I did suffer light woman stigma like dad saying how I am lucky I was sent to university as the eldest although I'm a "girl" and my mother expecting me to do domestic house chores while my brothers and dad just sit and relax or get married asap. Woman is still a commodity in porn culture where she is the submissive bitch craving for c**k, and even in the media where she has to be photoshopperfect ornamenting herself w/ fake stuffs like a Christmas tree else she is ugly. I wonder if people know what is the very essence of being a woman..Maybe women will always be "the other" as per Simone de Beauvoir.
Seriously being asexual would have been sooo much more convenient. no label and no expectation. It gets on my nerves when people make fun of me because I refuse to be the domesticated girl. I'm sorry, unless they can prove scientifically that only women possess the gene for housechores, cooking and babysitting men, I refuse to follow the crowd. It's just an excuse for man's laziness. they want to eat? they can help..even if it's doing the dishes or cleaning the house.
Being in Canada is enlightening because you come across opinions that leave you speechless, not because they are bad but simply I cannot understand how can people think like that...
It just makes me wonder if there are regular muslims out there, meaning a guy who is not a fanatic of the religion, treats woman decently etc..
There are bigots in every religion and one thing that breaks my heart is woman's status. I don't understand how it can be taken for granted that women are impure or damned because of their monthly periods or because she ate the apple... I am really surprise when some people talk as if women deserve all the suffering (pms, birth pain etc..) because she ate the apple. Hello???? Even for the periods, should we remind them that it is from the woman's impure blood that they were f****g borne? How can people blindly believe such spin up tales in order to justify woman's abuse. Do they think women chose to be the one to bear the child and go though 9 months of danger and child birth pain-which NO man will ever know how it hurts even if they get hit in their nuts!!?- or that any being choose to be borne a woman to be stigmatized if she has the misfortune of being in the wrong culture?
I don't understand how across the globes, the patriarch culture is what dominates and often women are just commodities. I would agree though that woman's status today is better than before and I am glad I was not borne earlier but still I did suffer light woman stigma like dad saying how I am lucky I was sent to university as the eldest although I'm a "girl" and my mother expecting me to do domestic house chores while my brothers and dad just sit and relax or get married asap. Woman is still a commodity in porn culture where she is the submissive bitch craving for c**k, and even in the media where she has to be photoshopperfect ornamenting herself w/ fake stuffs like a Christmas tree else she is ugly. I wonder if people know what is the very essence of being a woman..Maybe women will always be "the other" as per Simone de Beauvoir.
Seriously being asexual would have been sooo much more convenient. no label and no expectation. It gets on my nerves when people make fun of me because I refuse to be the domesticated girl. I'm sorry, unless they can prove scientifically that only women possess the gene for housechores, cooking and babysitting men, I refuse to follow the crowd. It's just an excuse for man's laziness. they want to eat? they can help..even if it's doing the dishes or cleaning the house.
Being in Canada is enlightening because you come across opinions that leave you speechless, not because they are bad but simply I cannot understand how can people think like that...
Monday, January 23, 2012
chinese new year
my body is breaking down. Happy New Year of the dragon. I saw a gorgeous rainbow on the lake and suddenly the sun broke through the clouds illuminating Toronto at the horizon. It was beautiful. It made me think of the wizard of Oz when emerald city glitters at the horizon as Dorothy and the gang arrived close to the end of the yellow brick road. The city had this white cast while the surrounding areas were darker. So nice.
I love these types of surprises. On Friday I spotted a hawk/falcon at the Derry-Hurontario corner? A long lost friend I have not seen since last fall. Proud bird with a white chest looking for any imprudent rodents for food.It left after 10 mins. I'll never cease to be amaze at the grace of birds of prey especially when they glide in the sky: free.
I need a rest for my head. Even my days off are no longer enough. Yesterday I had dinner at my aunt's place and my mom called us for the New Year. My youngest brother is getting married in 2014. My dad and my brother were not there, having gone of their usual pagoda rounds to greet the new year. My mother could not go out because apparently it's not good for her horoscope because she's a sheep (chinese horoscope).
The water dragon year promises to be a good year and I do hope it is. 2010 and 2011 have drained me: so many losses, relocation, disasters. Apparently for my sign-rooster-2012's full of goodies..hah..we'll see. As much as I cannot live under the same roof as my parents due to difference in opinions and character, sometimes I wished I could go home for these types of festivals and get together.
I'm not a people's person but it's always nice to meet all your relatives, see their kids and listen to stories around the dinner table. I've never been much of a talker but love to listen to older people talk and my aunts gossip. I know time is ticking when I see my nephews who're growing so fast w/ each passing year.
I tried to imagine how it was at home:
On the eve there would be a get together for my aunts-uncles. On the table: 100 year duck eggs, fooyang, home made chinese sausage and porc, chop suey, white moss soup, and a meat plus chicken dish. During the day my aunts-mother would be busy in the kitchen cooking and making sweet potato cakes aka "gato zinzi". The men would spend the day playing mahjong. Earlier during the week, we would have been making "gato cravattes" amidst the crazy cleaning.
Most probably Sudesh was there and my mom shouting after him to make sure the windows are cleaned properly. Then dad will bring some of his pakistanese/bangladeshi workers to clean the yard w/ high pressure water. He also bought his crazy 10000 firecrackers which became longer w/ passing years.
This year the firecrackers were burned at 430 am to scare evil spirits on that special day. Then we would set up tables in front of the gods with the usual offerings of fruits, biscuits and dried dates/lotus seeds. One big incense to welcome the new year and 3 small ones for each god. Joster paper will be burned.
In the kitchen another table would be set w/ incense sticks, boiled chickens, fruits in set of 3, drinks either rum/soda for the ancestors-my deceased grand parents. The idea is for them to celebrate the new year and invite "their friends' to eat with them. One whole boiled chicken w/ a pair of chopsticks supporting its neck-a piece of sea food on its right and a piece of pork on its left.
On that day we are not allowed to sweep the house, to wash our hair because it meant washing away our luck.After lighting all the incenses, dad would take us on his pagoda rounds. Some places were filled w/ people and your eyes would water w/ the incense smoke. Pagode la rue la saline, pagode on marie reine de la paix mountain, ah fee see pagoda on la rue magon and pagode next to champs de mars. Ah Fee See pagoda was always the busiest and there would also be chinese lions dancing. We would greet happy new year to all the nuns and get "potpan"-a sweet brioche like pastry stained red. It had the taste of orange rinds.
While we were away, my mother would clean up the religious offerings, burns all the joster papers. The yard would be covered in red papers, remnants of the firecrackers. If i was home, after each firecracker burning I would visit my pouchies to make sure they were ok. We, humans are able to reduce the noise by covering our ears but not my doggies. Then I would make sure that none my plants had too much sulphur or firework remnants on them. I am surprised how they always survived each spring festival fireworks. Often some parts would die but always come back.
My nephews would come over to see their grand mother (my aunt) and play in the fireworks, and look for ay unburned firecracker. Dad called his fireworks "petards canons" because not only they were long but super loud..like 2 mins of "sweet" music.
After the pagoda rounds, we would all go back to bed after wishing everyone happy new year and giving foon pao-the red envelopes marked w/ double happiness and filled w/ lucky money. Lunch would be a vegetarian dish w/ meefoon, bamboos shoots, black fungus, lotus flowers seasoned w/ mustard: my favourite vegetarian dish. Sometimes there would be a typical chinese herbal soup made of goji seeds, dried dates-longane, lotus seeds,and lotus flowers. yummy.We would also give our neighbours the chinese festival goodies: a bag filled with gato cravattes, gato lacire and chipettes.
In the afternoon, there would be more people and a bigger dinner. some dishes would be a repeat of those on the eve and we would have sea food either crabs or lobster and extra plus wine or champagne. Getting together around dinner is something big in chinese culture. Everyone would stay late updating about the latest news and gossips. Desert would be the gato cravattes and chipettes and gato lacire.
I sort of miss these days. I write to remember, I write because I am afraid I will forget what I left behind in a few years. I'm not an advocate of traditions or what not but I don't want my parents to be the last generation of what my grand parents brought and I don't want to lose my childhood.
I don't know why so many things break my heart lately. I'm surely emo or pmsing..the joy of the female body. I could live without this body ..really..
ps when will there be a sequel to jonathan strange and mr norrell. The ladies of grace adieu left me on "ma faim"..
pps blogger sucks big deal..my pictures are not loading :/
I love these types of surprises. On Friday I spotted a hawk/falcon at the Derry-Hurontario corner? A long lost friend I have not seen since last fall. Proud bird with a white chest looking for any imprudent rodents for food.It left after 10 mins. I'll never cease to be amaze at the grace of birds of prey especially when they glide in the sky: free.
I need a rest for my head. Even my days off are no longer enough. Yesterday I had dinner at my aunt's place and my mom called us for the New Year. My youngest brother is getting married in 2014. My dad and my brother were not there, having gone of their usual pagoda rounds to greet the new year. My mother could not go out because apparently it's not good for her horoscope because she's a sheep (chinese horoscope).
The water dragon year promises to be a good year and I do hope it is. 2010 and 2011 have drained me: so many losses, relocation, disasters. Apparently for my sign-rooster-2012's full of goodies..hah..we'll see. As much as I cannot live under the same roof as my parents due to difference in opinions and character, sometimes I wished I could go home for these types of festivals and get together.
I'm not a people's person but it's always nice to meet all your relatives, see their kids and listen to stories around the dinner table. I've never been much of a talker but love to listen to older people talk and my aunts gossip. I know time is ticking when I see my nephews who're growing so fast w/ each passing year.
I tried to imagine how it was at home:
On the eve there would be a get together for my aunts-uncles. On the table: 100 year duck eggs, fooyang, home made chinese sausage and porc, chop suey, white moss soup, and a meat plus chicken dish. During the day my aunts-mother would be busy in the kitchen cooking and making sweet potato cakes aka "gato zinzi". The men would spend the day playing mahjong. Earlier during the week, we would have been making "gato cravattes" amidst the crazy cleaning.
Most probably Sudesh was there and my mom shouting after him to make sure the windows are cleaned properly. Then dad will bring some of his pakistanese/bangladeshi workers to clean the yard w/ high pressure water. He also bought his crazy 10000 firecrackers which became longer w/ passing years.
This year the firecrackers were burned at 430 am to scare evil spirits on that special day. Then we would set up tables in front of the gods with the usual offerings of fruits, biscuits and dried dates/lotus seeds. One big incense to welcome the new year and 3 small ones for each god. Joster paper will be burned.
In the kitchen another table would be set w/ incense sticks, boiled chickens, fruits in set of 3, drinks either rum/soda for the ancestors-my deceased grand parents. The idea is for them to celebrate the new year and invite "their friends' to eat with them. One whole boiled chicken w/ a pair of chopsticks supporting its neck-a piece of sea food on its right and a piece of pork on its left.
On that day we are not allowed to sweep the house, to wash our hair because it meant washing away our luck.After lighting all the incenses, dad would take us on his pagoda rounds. Some places were filled w/ people and your eyes would water w/ the incense smoke. Pagode la rue la saline, pagode on marie reine de la paix mountain, ah fee see pagoda on la rue magon and pagode next to champs de mars. Ah Fee See pagoda was always the busiest and there would also be chinese lions dancing. We would greet happy new year to all the nuns and get "potpan"-a sweet brioche like pastry stained red. It had the taste of orange rinds.
While we were away, my mother would clean up the religious offerings, burns all the joster papers. The yard would be covered in red papers, remnants of the firecrackers. If i was home, after each firecracker burning I would visit my pouchies to make sure they were ok. We, humans are able to reduce the noise by covering our ears but not my doggies. Then I would make sure that none my plants had too much sulphur or firework remnants on them. I am surprised how they always survived each spring festival fireworks. Often some parts would die but always come back.
My nephews would come over to see their grand mother (my aunt) and play in the fireworks, and look for ay unburned firecracker. Dad called his fireworks "petards canons" because not only they were long but super loud..like 2 mins of "sweet" music.
After the pagoda rounds, we would all go back to bed after wishing everyone happy new year and giving foon pao-the red envelopes marked w/ double happiness and filled w/ lucky money. Lunch would be a vegetarian dish w/ meefoon, bamboos shoots, black fungus, lotus flowers seasoned w/ mustard: my favourite vegetarian dish. Sometimes there would be a typical chinese herbal soup made of goji seeds, dried dates-longane, lotus seeds,and lotus flowers. yummy.We would also give our neighbours the chinese festival goodies: a bag filled with gato cravattes, gato lacire and chipettes.
In the afternoon, there would be more people and a bigger dinner. some dishes would be a repeat of those on the eve and we would have sea food either crabs or lobster and extra plus wine or champagne. Getting together around dinner is something big in chinese culture. Everyone would stay late updating about the latest news and gossips. Desert would be the gato cravattes and chipettes and gato lacire.
I sort of miss these days. I write to remember, I write because I am afraid I will forget what I left behind in a few years. I'm not an advocate of traditions or what not but I don't want my parents to be the last generation of what my grand parents brought and I don't want to lose my childhood.
I don't know why so many things break my heart lately. I'm surely emo or pmsing..the joy of the female body. I could live without this body ..really..
ps when will there be a sequel to jonathan strange and mr norrell. The ladies of grace adieu left me on "ma faim"..
pps blogger sucks big deal..my pictures are not loading :/
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