back to square one

After a week of spring like temperatures, we're back to minus x. oh well. Still it's nice to see some birds coming back on sunny days. I saw an American Robin next to the Mississauga Convention Centre. I was like whaaat... because they are spring-summer birds..An early birdie? I hope the dropping temperatures did not affect it. Saw another predator bird from my window today. I love the way they soar in the sky, it's beautiful..the way they glide so effortlessly. Hmm makes me want to do some kite flying.

I'm in the middle of reading "The story of stuff" and it gave me some food for thought. JGZ says I am a pure capitalist but compared to the average American consumer, I am very tame..The speed at which they buy, hoard or throw away items is scary. One example is my aunt's or even my cousin. I understand the constant hammering of "sales-discounts" etc makes it hard to resist especially if one is an emotional buyer like me but it's not impossible. I just hope not to have my soul eaten up completely by this consumerism society.

I often feel drained here, as if I am under water, choking and struggling to reach the surface. I'm looking for something with meaning, something more than fake smiling faces on tv-ads, something with a substance and the worse I don't know what I am looking for :/ I'm also homesick. Mauritius still sucks but what I missed are the connections and my dogs and my fish and the greenness than live in a fucking concrete condo. Work with the earth, the smell of the rain, the leaves, the moist earth, the sea..oh well i guess i need time to adapt. back to square one. It reminds me of my first years at uni where I was home sick, then my first years back to Mauritius where I was homesick for Toronto.

I'm also reading the God of small things and what I like with stories dealing with India is that it reminds me of home, whether the expressions they used etc. Same for Chinese authors, it's like being a kid again when they had chinese stores, street food vendors, chinese new year and family gatherings. All this is being lost as families become smaller and people scatter all around. I guess evolution means some things must go in order to make place for others but it's sad how society is becoming more and more isolated. Like my uncle who lives 15 mins away, we see him and his family only once a year or so. Like a lady was saying, here you need to make appointments to visit your own relatives. I'm not judging anyone because I know they're busy; everyone is. I guess it's the way of living here. Let's see how long I can last before packing to somewhere else.

Spoke with the boy on skype today and each time it makes me realize how much I miss him more every day. Watched "tangled" as well which reminded me of the old Disney-sweet and cute without any tween crap. The part where Rapunzel and her fake mom are "I love you mom" "I love you more" and " I love you most" made me smile. I'm a softie and going through a mid life crisis. LOL

And because I miss the french language: