awake

"Failure" by Assemblage 23 is so me :( I need to stop thinking.

I am lost,
The footprints that I left have disappeared,
For now, I am driving blind.

Accelerate,
Without a destination to welcome me,
This road is just an endless loop.

Every time I close my eyes,
The noise inside me amplifies,
I can't escape,
I relive every moment of the day.
Every misstep I have made,
Finds a way it can invade,
My every thought,
And this is why I find myself awake.

Directionless,
The letters on the signs have long since faded,
The sky conspires to swallow me.

Paid the price,
For burning all the maps to warm myself,
I threw their ashes to the wind.

Every time I close my eyes,
The noise inside me amplifies,
I can't escape,
I relive every moment of the day.
Every misstep I have made,
Finds a way it can invade,
My every thought,
And this is why I find myself awake.

Walk away,
Time to leave the realm of the familiar,
To find a place where sleep can come.

Hesitate,
For one last time I shout into the sky,
To wake the ones I'll leave behind.

Every time I close my eyes,
The noise inside me amplifies,
I can't escape,
I relive every moment of the day.
Every misstep I have made,
Finds a way it can invade,
My every thought,
And this is why I find myself awake.

time of the month

where i am feeling depressed. It's so awful how your mood swings depend on your hormones level and a rough week at work does not help. I want shopping therapy but can't. I'm losing patience with customers and spend my time making funny faces at my desk and exasperated expression with customers who won't hang up. I guess it's time to reread the 101 of excellent customer service and keep a poker face.

There are days where my distress is all written on my face (which makes me more worried in case people notice it while they're so calm) and I am surprised how some people can keep calm expressions or be resigned with "it's the job you know, you have to do it and the rest is kept aside". Anxiety does not help at all in the workplace and I am somehow paranoid, and has this constant feeling that I am being evaluated by everyone or anyone and that I am weird and uninteresting. I am also very receptive to people emotions to a point that a wrong expression, voice tone etc..makes me feel I am responsible for them having a bad day. Gotta live with it.

if only I had a reason or goal to go through life.

i admire women who are able to handle their bodies and imperfections without stressing on it.

relax relax relax..gaaaaahhhh