Oh drat, here goes my credit for the month down the drain. Online holiday/overstock sales are killing my budget and it's so hard to resist knowing that these are items that I've been lemming for months! Mind you, I rarely buy in local stores except for shoes, pharmaceutical items and some clothings, everything else is by ebay, etsy or other craft sites *sight* Shipping is killing me but there is such gratification when I get my goodies-I'm so materialistic!
My aunt also came back from her trip in Lourdes-France and it's like she went idols shopping there:candles, chaplets, mini figurines of the virgin Mary and bottles of holy water. I wonder where the religious belief stops and the business starts. I bet there are even genuine water/figurines and fake ones..Oh her intentions are good but the whole Lourdes business is just weird..
Lately I've been trying to be less resistant to work issues and less controlled by time when I am not at work. easier said than done. I want to go back to those days where I could do things on a whim instead of having to go by the clock (ironically I plan and schedule in order to have more free time), go out when I want and create at night or day. I can't create or write "by order" .
Although I am apprehensive of my emigration to Montreal, i am really looking forward to it because it's my ticket to freedom:no more spying on my conversations by the mother/brother, criticism on the way I live and my art and at last I'll be free to go where i want and when I want. I am excited at the thought of walking again in the streets of Toronto, stroll on university grounds, window shopping and then off to explore Montreal.
I need a break from my current life. 4 years in Mauritius have used me thin and I won't ramble about who is to blame-it's worthless digression on self pity.
Art helps me breathe because i am choking down here.
To do list for the future:
-see a live orchestra (4 seasons by vivaldi would be nice)
-europe tour:paris and provence esp sites painted by my favourite painter van gogh, italy, ireland, spain, england
-learn professional calligraphy
-start doing volunteer work again
the simple joy of a cup of tea. I love this cup as it's mega huge and I don't have to refill as often as an average cup. I'm still feeling shitty but decided to take my distance to my surroundings. I have to survive. I need the money in order to move out. Once I move out I can buy things I love to eat, decorate etc.. Patience and resilience is the key right now. I've been under so much pressure that at one point I had no nails to break (Disgusting but I bite/break my nails when stressed) and I also realized that I need more independence than be in a prison. Having a house/roof over your head does not make it a home. 