Sensation

Par les soirs bleus d'été, j'irai dans les sentiers,
Picoté par les blés, fouler l'herbe menue :
Rêveur, j'en sentirai la fraîcheur à mes pieds.
Je laisserai le vent baigner ma tête nue.

Je ne parlerai pas, je ne penserai rien :
Mais l'amour infini me montera dans l'âme,
Et j'irai loin, bien loin, comme un bohémien,
Par la nature, heureux comme avec une femme.

Arthur Rimbaud

Today I went to Sq One and did a quick stop by Pet Smart- I was surprised to see that they no longer sell dogs. Instead there were fish. I was tempted to buy an aquarium but this will have to wait. There's nothing more relaxing than to watch fishes swim by and decorate your aquarium like a jungle. Too bad Pet Smart sell mainly "common" tropical fish and some were sick :/ I wonder what happened to my fishes. Knowing my folks, they must have neglected the fish to the point where they died. The Canadian sky is so full of airplanes whether it is Toronto or Mississauga. Sometimes I wonder where these people are going, to warmer regions now that fall and soon winter is closing in?

Sometimes I wonder what my heart aches for? I bought another rimbaud book off amazone.ca together with mess by keri smith and unleash the buddha within. I need to go back on track again. I can't rely on places, people etc.. If I want change, I am the one who need to initiate it how hard it is. I need to act than react and the first step is to move out.

Monday already. Week-end was again sharing space with my brother but well it could have been worse.

I almost forgot

the simple joy of a cup of tea. I love this cup as it's mega huge and I don't have to refill as often as an average cup. I'm still feeling shitty but decided to take my distance to my surroundings. I have to survive. I need the money in order to move out. Once I move out I can buy things I love to eat, decorate etc.. Patience and resilience is the key right now. I've been under so much pressure that at one point I had no nails to break (Disgusting but I bite/break my nails when stressed) and I also realized that I need more independence than be in a prison. Having a house/roof over your head does not make it a home.

I'm crossing fingers and toes because I do want things to improve and I want to be able to breathe normally again.

grinding my teeth

I'm looking for an apartment, earlier than anticipated but I'm tired of being there and getting additional stress and health issues. My body is on the verge of cracking down but I have to grind my teeth and bear with it until I find something more appropriate. Who knew that immigrating would be that painful despite going back to a country where I've lived for 5 years?

I've to work tomorrow and already I feel like breaking down..At least I am losing weight w/o much effort..

i miss home

I'm making a blurb book on mauritius and it made me realized how much I miss home. It was not perfect but I guess I was too selfish to enjoy my time there and now I miss it. Why do we always look back at things with some regret. Hopefully I'll be able to to go back in 2012? I want to keep 2011 for Paris. Now I need to face my fears at my job because I need this money for travelling and to go back home. I have nothing to prove, just do my job and get the money. Maybe I'll go back to mauritius when I retire yet I'll be on my own at that age..Why do I need to brood black?

I want to go to Montreal..to live there..

TGIF

Bad work day. been messing up all morning and had bad calls which left me without energy for the rest of the day. Another person resigned from the job. I was shocked because he was really good and did well in the test etc..So after all, ppl telling us that we'll be only three were correct. I'm worried about my situation as well as I am the weakness now in term of performance. I have to work harder on that and improve my communication and thinking skills. sad to say I am still at a stage where I stumble on the phone as speaking english is not my forte -try to understand all these accents and think fast- and I'm slower in processing info as I struggle at understanding my caller. It makes me think of my first and second yr at uni..the EXACT same thing: struggling with understanding and being understood. I even ended feeling sorry for my callers as I asked them to repeat/spell names for me.

Another girl from a former batch was how everyone in her group resigned oO; ZOMG is all I can say. I am going to persist until there's nothing else I can do. I feel frustrated though because I am not performing at the level I know I can and my customer service stinks due to communication issues.

Thanks god for long week-end!

what is done is done..forget about it and move on