tired

It's been a tiring week. My body hates starting work late. We were to give our preferred shift times and unfortunately 90% people requested 6-9 am shifts..hahahaha I'm tired at the thought of what await me tomorrow: audiologist appointment at 9 am then rush to work from 12-20...I used to think that starting work late would be an advantage since I could have my morning to do stuffs but it's tiring. I also cringe at the cost I will incur for my hearing aids..that's life and I am off to ebay to sell stuffs..for once i am not buying *roll eyes*

thanks god tomorrow is friday and i am not working during the week-end nor monday..alleluia!

art

art by PBsArtStudio

I've decided to start collecting art prints or originals from etsy. My first purchase is the picture above. I'm a sucker for anything with robin egg colour in it and the facial features are so nice. There's another painting from her I want to but but it'll depend on my budget. I'm getting paid this Thursday and hope to be able to afford a new illustration from etsy each 2 weeks. I need to surround myself with art, and I can always keep them for display once I move out. I already have something in mind, like hanging them on a cloth line with cloth pin. It looks so cute.

This week is heavy. I work from 10-18 everyday except for friday where i asked 12-20 since I have to see my audiologist in the morning. i am getting my hearing aids, which mean more expenses. :/ I'm getting used to my job, there are good and bad days but I can improve and will do what I can for such. I need to persist, to push away the bad thoughts, to accept I am not perfect but there's room for improvement. Everyday is a learning experience and right now I need experience than wallow in self pity because it's something I don't like etc.. At least getting used to it makes things easier and I can gain some other skills I would not have in easier jobs so I am crossing fingers!

This week-end is a long week-end with Thanks giving and I don't have to work..Yay I worked last week-end and it was ok but well I'll get used to it. Thanks god the human body has adaptation capabilities and that listening to dale Carnagie/Robin Sharma/Tuesdays with Morrie/Buddhism helps me improve.

I'm now hooked to audio books, me who thought they were just not for me..

the fortress

In this modern society, we like to wall ourselves in fortresses: breathing stale air from the aircon/central heater, we are afraid of letting our kids play shoeless in the garden, vegetables and fruits are full of hormones and pesticides, we are numbed by the tv where the life of other people become more interesting than our own.

Fall is there, trees are turning yellow and brown. The temperatures are slowly falling and squirrels are building their nests. I've always wondered how these animals keep all those leaves together. I've been collecting walnuts/chesnuts from my work place. There're some trees there and I like the rugged feel of the walnut and I hope to find one with its "cap" on. I'm trying to slowly reconcile myself with time. I have been feeling rushed and out of breathe since I came to Canada: time flies (except at work) and I realized that maybe I spend too much time watching junk instead of doing something else like art. I've not touched my art supplies for weeks and when I looked at my first journal and compared it to my current one, I realized how much I've become less creative as I am able to buy more supplies locally.

I find going back to my former friends: Arthur Rimbaud and Buddhist philosophy helps to calm down my anguish. I have to accept that I cannot turn back time. Back in Mauritius, I was resentful because I wanted to come back to Toronto, I did not fully realized what immigrating would mean, I took people and things for granted. Now it struck me that I am no longer home, that the place where I grew up, Ill be able to go back only for 3 weeks max depending on how many days off work I get. Time is going by and my parents who got on my nerves, who knows that that next time I'll see them they'll have white hair? My bf is getting wrinkles but at least I trust him that he will make it there?

I was stupid and childish and now all I can do is learn from my mistakes. At least I did have some quality time with my family. I know I can't live with my family but without them feels empty as well. Sometimes I wished they lived 30 mins down the road so I could go back and visit. Who was I kidding all this time? No where is better until you make it better. All this time the issue was with me, not with Mauritius etc..Well yes Mauritians have issues but I realized that still it's the place where I grew up and now I am in a land where I have no familiar marks, I can't blame anybody but me since I made the decision to leave.

I went outside and looked at the sky, the cold was biting my skin. I took two full breath, enjoying the cold air filling my lungs, the quiet afternoon. Refreshing, alive...No moment is alike: the quietness you were bored of, suddenly turned noisy as a neighbour mowed his lawn, now you long for the quietness again. Kids making noise as they play outside get on your nerves but once they leave, you long to hear their voice. Life is weird.

I know it's hard to do but i am trying to enjoy the present more so that not to live with regrets because by longing for the future, I missed moments to create memories..I do have pictures and pictures do tell stories but if you sacrifice moments at the expense of pictures, what is the point?

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why i love amazon

.com or .ca . My order was shipped yesterday and was received today :D and it was the free shipping option, so why pay more for express?? I got my illuminations-arthur rimbaud, awaken the buddha within-Lama Surya, mess-keri smith and drawing lab (can't recall the author). I love all my books. The first time I opened Illuminations, I found my favourite poem "sensations" at the back of opened page.. Coincidence? I love Rimbaud and I thought I brought his book with me but could not find it. Thanks to Amazon, I did not have to worry for too long..yay! The same is for Amazon.com where it takes only 2 days to reach me. I guess books I want fast I'll just buy them off amazon than ebay even if the price is higher.

Now I am waiting for my GAP order- some winter clothes as sizes were sold out in the stores. Free shipping of course-the only reason why I buy online than at the store..plus sales!

I'm so tired today. I need to ask my mom to send my tibetan singing bowl with my brother. There're so many things I left at home and wished it was just a few mins/hours away so that I can fetch them :/ Now I need to wait until my brother goes home or I go, in a few years..

tired tired tired