Sunday, January 27, 2013 Conversation between an introvert and an extravert can involve a series of misunderstandings. As the introvert struggles to follow multiple conversational threads and sort out his own thoughts, he remains quiet and appears to be just listening. The extravert reads that as engagement, a cue to keep talking. The introvert struggles with the continuing flow of input and soon starts to shut out the extravert, while nodding or smiling, or even trying to stop the exchange.

Even a simple opener of "Hello, how are you? Hey, I've been meaning to talk to you about X," from anyone can challenge an introvert. Rather than bypassing the first question or interrupting the flow to answer it, the introvert holds onto the question: Hmm, how am I? (An internal dialogue begins, in which the introvert "hears" herself talking internally as the other person speaks.) Even if the introvert responds, "I'm good," she's probably still reflecting on how she is: Good? That's not quite right. I really have had a pretty crummy day, but there isn't a quick way to explain that. She wants to first work out privately her thoughts and judgment about the day.

She also may evaluate the question itself: I hate that we so often just say 'good' because that's the convention. The other person doesn't really want to know. She may even activate memories of how the question has struck her in the past. While the introvert is evaluating the question on at least two levels (how she is feeling and what she thinks about the question, perhaps also what this says about our society), the speaker is already moving on to sharing something about his day.

The introvert must take the incoming message from the speaker and tuck it into working memory until she can get to it, while more information keeps flowing in that demands tracking, sorting, searching, and critical analysis. The cognitive load becomes increasingly difficult to manage, as the internal talk competes with the external conversation. Moreover, while trying to keep the conversation going, introverts may miss social cues, which can make them appear socially inept. The conversation is also anxiety-provoking, because the introvert feels she has too little time to share a complete thought. She hungers to pull away and give time to the thoughts her brain has generated.—Laurie Helgoe, Ph.D.

 So true..the exact thing goes in my head when people asked how are you and the worse? I feel stressed/depressed because I cannot keep up with these aggressive bullies around me...They make me feel broken/socially inept..all i want is to isolate myself..

Thursday, January 24, 2013

i am the smart one,not the pretty one..shucks...

Monday, January 21, 2013

cultivating the mind

On Sunday I went to the last showing of Frida and Diego: Passion, Politics and Paintings. To be honest I was never a fan of Frida. I went out of curiosity because she is an all time favourite amongst several art journaling artist I love.

I was deeply touched by the paintings and photos I saw. The immeasurable love she had for her husband, her personal pain due to her bus accident and numerous miscarriages. Frida's true story is reflected in her self portraits, a contrast to her very colorful appearance and style.

Most of the self portrait displayed Frida with a solemn expression, never smiling and looking straight at you, defiant? The only paintings that were different was when she painted her pain shown by tears,closed eyes or painful facial expression and she used a lot of symbols to describe her pain.

Diego had self portraits where he was smiling but Frida, no (I am not familiar w/ her art so I am not sure if it applies all her pictures). A few were focused on her relationship w/ Diego and its importance to her.

There were several photographs and one of my favourite was the one below:

I am definitely grateful to AGO to have helped me discover more of these two amazing Mexican artists and their beliefs and to show glimpses of their life.

Another event I went to in Thursday evening was the Mozart convert performed by TSO. We had the lovely Symphony 40, Serenade 12 in C minor and Sinfonia concertante in E-Flat Major for Violin and Viola.

We had an amazing duo for the Violin and Viola part. It was definitely enjoyable to close my eyes and savour each note played. It was the first time I ever listened to a live symphony and it was lovely.

I was expecting something more grandiose (I guess I watched too much youtube) but I love the TSO performance at the Roy Thompson hall. It was more personal and I was on the balcony on the side of the orchestra. When I was not closing my eyes I was watching the movement of the musicians on their instruments. I am in love w/ the cello. I swear if yoyoma comes to Toronto again to perform, I am SO going to go.

I know he was there in 2012 or 2011 and I missed his performance :( His rendition of Cello suite 1-prelude by Bach is just lovely. It's my preferred version of all as in some, the musicians go too slow or too fast. I love Maisky rendition as well

interesting twist w/ a some notes of ave maria??

I need more time to go and listen to classical music live. I LOVE Bach so I do hope to attend one of his symphonies soon.

It's these types of little things that made me grateful I am in Canada: Van Gogh Up Close in Ottawa in 2012, the dalai lama talk show in toronto 2011/2012?, high park sakura blooms, Cirque du soleil amaluna 2012 etc.

There is so much to discover, to see and I can't wait to get my citizenship and hit the museums in New York city and San Fran although the best for me would be to live in Europe!

goals for 2013: -attend another live symphony -musical book of mormon -go to centre island in summer -hike, hike and hike!! -watch salmon spawn -yoga??? i want to learn the crow pose. so COOL!!!!

Monday, January 14, 2013

le sigh

i made chicken briani. it tasted like sh*t and i ended ordering them. i'm craving spicy indian food lately. my body is tired and achy from job stress..god why have you forsaken me?? (note the sarcasm please)