MIA

end of year are always terrible when it comes to work. still need to do a lot of updating but so little time.

to do list:
-catamaran trip pictures
-mmh to ducky
-botanica pif
-november pat
-inspire me atcs
-suzy blu registration classes
-trade with malin

i won't let bitterness infuse my writing.

Some times you need to let go.

simple living?

With the incoming holidays, the corporate social responsibility BU of the institution I work at is asking for donations in money/used clothings/toys. I did some cleaning and well if I could, I would have given away a suitcase offull clothes, some still with tags. In fact I DO have a suitcase full of clothes that no longer fit or what not but I've no clue where it is so I went though my current wardrobe. This made me realize how much I buy on impulse and am far too materialistic. When I was in Toronto, I could return any unwanted clothes up to 14 days after purchase for a refund (which I did a lot once my "craving" was satisfied) or wait for sales. here I buy on normal price (sales are not real sales) and no goods are returnable for a store credit/refund *sigh* if I could get 1 dollar for each unworn piece I have, I would have been rich :/ So I get rid of my unwanted excesses by donating to associations. I don't consider it as a "good action" per se since I would have gotten rid of these clothes anyway (to the cleaning lady or someone) and I need to purge my wardrobe! I swear i have enough to wear until I die EXCEPT I have grown fatter AND my taste have changed. Keeping clothes for until I am thin again is not something that helps and i can't sell on ebay (those still with tags on) because paypal does not accept payments from sellers for accounts from my country. Puh!

I need to go back to a simple living but it's hard because my weapon against work stress: I binge whether food, clothes... Lame excuse you'll say and it's true the comfort it provides is rather short term but still better than nothing. My main aim is still to save money but a day without buying something, how small it is, makes me sad. Maybe I need therapy..or a stronger will power? Something that worked for me in the past was to differentiate between what I need and what I want. I should definitely start applying that again even in my eating patterns instead of making myself miserable by skipping a meal then binging at home.

this article from zen habits is not that bad although my current state of mind is too fogged to understand it properly.

WIP to "declutter" list:
-scrap supplies esp alphabets alphas and stuffs I don't use = sell on ebay when I go to canada
-clothes/shoes = give away
-books, sell/give away in mauritius ESP all those self help books I don't read!
-all my crap stored upstairs eg candles, stationeries etc= give away
-etc

"quote of the day:

You have to decide what your highest priorities are and have the courage - pleasantly, smilingly, non apologetically - to say 'no' to other things. And the way to do that is by having a bigger 'yes' burning inside. The enemy of the 'best' is often the 'good.' ~Stephen Covey"

office party

Today i went to buy my clothes for the office party. The theme is black and white with no indications whether it's chic or casual so I am going the casual way; white pants and a long black top. Now my dilemma are the shoes. i am so perfectionist/obsessive that I could make myself sick. I am one of those people for whom everything must be perfect and most of the time I worry myself to death for nothing because in the end this expectation is for me and not the others who're content with whatever you give them. I remember how one day I did not do the calligraphy lettering for my supervisor's card because I felt it was not good enough. In the end someone else did it (more of a scribble) and everyone was content. like what I should lower my own standards. *sigh* i should relax about this party..it's just for fun, it's not like everyone is going to scrutinize me or something. i always feel that everyone else looks great except me..speaking of self confidence eh? puh.

oh well. As I went to Equateur (one of my favorite stores except for the price tag) today, I saw an advertisement for a traveling company. It was so cool. i have to go through an underground way that leads to the other side and they arranged it so that it looked like the entrance of a french metro on one side and on the other, a london one. Inside the underground they had maps of the parisian metro and london ones plus posters of the company with something "making europe closer" It made me so nostalgic to look at the parisian metro map and familiar names like "lena", "l'etoile", "chatelet les halles", etc.. My first glimpse of paris was via the metro and RER. I miss Paris and I am definitely going back. I want to go to the stalls next to Notre Dame and go through the books. Last time I was too shy to do so and bought only a few vintage pin up/ads postcards. Pere la chaise is another must go site-I'm in love with this cemetery and it's victorian feel-, Musee D'orsay and I have to see Marseilles and the site where Marie Antoinette was beheaded. 1 week was too short for me to visit all the museums and sites there. I have so many traveling plans and for now all I can do is dream.

i forgot to add

I received most of my ebay goodies on Saturday!(thanks to JGZ who was kind enough to collect my packets at the PO as I was working and could not do so) It was like christmas! I am such an ebay whore and rubberstamps junkie!

my haul:
- 5 Tim Holtz rubber stamps plates: 40% off regular price. A deal!
- sassaras lass "you're a dear" clear stamps
-3 glimmer mists
-purple onions unmounted stamps at sale price
-Tim Holtz time stencil "time"
-several vintage pages from collagestuffs: japanese dictionary, webster pages, geography pages etc
- "wreck this journal" by Keri Smith- I'm still undecided what to think about it
-tiny metal roses in black, eiffel tower charms and tiny puzzle pieces

Oh joy to the world! I'm still waiting for my tae bo DVDs, some more glimmer mists and a few arty books! yay for online shopping and nay for my credit card :S

rambles

Saturday was sushi party at home and everything was so yummy especially the sashimi! the salmon was firm and tasty and for the first time i ate a local fish "vieille rouge" raw. it was delicious! I was not too keen on the pickled ginger though, finding it too salty to my taste. I prefer by far the one served with the century eggs for chinese new year. For the first time in a long while, my stomach was happy :P The cook hired by dad is really good at japanese food and to think that he cooks for them everyday at work makes me jealous! *sigh*

I am still figuring out whether I should break the piggy bank to get a DSLR. i am eyeing the canon 500SD and hope that by the time my folks go to Singapore, the price will drop. I'm obsessed with macro pictures and the lack of focus in my camera in macro mode annoys me so much. Yet is it a valid reason to splurge on a dslr? A few people I know bought a dslr because the pictures quality is way better but also to show off. Suddenly they're all professional photographs wanna be ; they start to ramble in terms like "point and shoot" for consumer cameras (a term which they did not know before they get their dslr camera), and feel so proud when someone ask them if they're planning pro photography *shrug* The sad part is that 99% of the time they shoot in auto mode..and don't even know the difference between the shutter speed and aperture speed.

Oh well, anyway owning a dslr does not make you a good photograph, nor a piano makes you a pianist.. so why am I ranting? I guess the fear that getting a dslr will make me "just another one of the mass" is what makes me reluctant to get one but at the same time I feel jealous that others have it. *sigh why do i always make uncomplicated things complicated? Why do I even bother about what others do and think when it's my life? Brr I should hit my fingers each time I digress from my own pathway and wishes out of fear of being rejected. This is something I have to work on.

My art journal is a work in progress and although I still find it hard to write down my thoughts, things have improved. I'm doing more pages so that i can jot down quick thoughts on ready made pages when inspiration strikes rather than think hard on an entry because it always end up feeling fake. I find zetti pages fun and a way to unwind after a hard day's work. Currently i am using elements from people's collage sheets and hope to be able to make my own zetti characters in a near future. It's fun to be able to mix and match people's faces, eyes, legs etc.. Zetti is colourful as well and I love teesha moore's collage sheets! The one I did on the right it brighter in real life and although it's not as crowded as the usual zetti collages, I love it :) It deals with the touchy issue that is my weight but at the same time it shows my determination to be thin again which I was 3 years ago! however silly me managed to strain my left leg when exercising but I won't give up. I need to fit in the clothes I left in canada! YES I can!

Hmm I think it's time for me to make a banner for my blog o.O; but my old laptop hates photoshop. I'm always running out of virtual memory when this softwares loads.

"Quotes of the day:

Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else. ~Judy Garland
It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are. ~e.e. cummings"

i am still debating whether I should go to work this Saturday or not. There's so much to do and more is being added. Either I sacrifice my Saturday or it's a week day overtime until 7pm. I'm exhausted though and any option looks unattractive. Gosh I am definitely quitting in January and I hope that I won't suffer from latent burn out/depression, after just like my aunt who was KO for 4 months when she left hers. The workplace is becoming hell, and if you're efficient/productive, they pile more on you and it's just a never ending cycle. I need to reclaim my life!

My right arm is painful from the chest area onwards. Maybe I sprained a muscle and lifting my arm hurts. It's frustrating because the pain is from inside and I've no clue what is wrong. It has been like that since this afternoon. oh well at least I can comfort myself with the fact that today is friday and payday is next wednesday *sigh*

got also a new pair of birkis! I <3 birkis, if my bf was like:"chérie, allons faire le tour de l'ile à pieds" I would reply without hesitation "oui! avec plaisir mon amour!" as long as I got to wear my birkis sandals :P birkis are so comfortable that you could walk for hours and not feel it! I swear my life changed when I bought my first pair and now I am a believer! so it's worth the price tag and nevermind if they're less fashionable.

I also jumped into the art journaling bandwagon. so far i'm creating only unfilled pages as I am unable to write and create at the same time. I hope it's not the artist's fear out of perfection or spoiling the page. I've also been trying zetti pages and it's fun :) more to go!

money

Oh drat, here goes my credit for the month down the drain. Online holiday/overstock sales are killing my budget and it's so hard to resist knowing that these are items that I've been lemming for months! Mind you, I rarely buy in local stores except for shoes, pharmaceutical items and some clothings, everything else is by ebay, etsy or other craft sites *sight* Shipping is killing me but there is such gratification when I get my goodies-I'm so materialistic!

My aunt also came back from her trip in Lourdes-France and it's like she went idols shopping there:candles, chaplets, mini figurines of the virgin Mary and bottles of holy water. I wonder where the religious belief stops and the business starts. I bet there are even genuine water/figurines and fake ones..Oh her intentions are good but the whole Lourdes business is just weird..

Lately I've been trying to be less resistant to work issues and less controlled by time when I am not at work. easier said than done. I want to go back to those days where I could do things on a whim instead of having to go by the clock (ironically I plan and schedule in order to have more free time), go out when I want and create at night or day. I can't create or write "by order" .

Although I am apprehensive of my emigration to Montreal, i am really looking forward to it because it's my ticket to freedom:no more spying on my conversations by the mother/brother, criticism on the way I live and my art and at last I'll be free to go where i want and when I want. I am excited at the thought of walking again in the streets of Toronto, stroll on university grounds, window shopping and then off to explore Montreal.

I need a break from my current life. 4 years in Mauritius have used me thin and I won't ramble about who is to blame-it's worthless digression on self pity.

Art helps me breathe because i am choking down here.

To do list for the future:
-see a live orchestra (4 seasons by vivaldi would be nice)
-europe tour:paris and provence esp sites painted by my favourite painter van gogh, italy, ireland, spain, england
-learn professional calligraphy
-start doing volunteer work again

MIA

Been missing in action lately. With my stressful job, it seems that my muse has gone on vacation. My latest creations are the botanica chunkies for AFA which I need to upload on flickr. I am rather happy with the results although the above picture does not do them justice. I am so tired and unmotivated. It has never been that bad before and now all I do daily is to wait for the afternoon so that I can go home and on Mondays I wait for Fridays. At least the bright side is that time flies. JGZ says that I am dramatizing things which I should not since I am leaving and hell.. yet I worry and worry: about money, about what I am going to do in Montreal, about hurting people's feeling and of course the incoming holidays do not make me feel any better with my social anxiety. On Monday I had to replace my supervisor at a meeting and was worrying to hell what I had to say. I even pinched myself hard so as to keep control and it was not even my turn yet! jeez *roll eyes* I need therapy.

I just ordered Keri Smith "wreck this book" and hopefully I'll get some insights. I still need to answer a LOT of mail and try to find a rainbow.

wow

I've become really bad at blogging. What i am looking forward to: registering for suzyblu classes this week-end. oh pretty girls!

will update flickr later with traveling pictures and recent creations.

MIA

wow i've not updated in ages. I've been trying to discipline myself by avoiding my afternoon nap and using my time sensibly instead. I've gazillion of projects due in April and "created" a new techniques from gold marker, pearl-ex and inks. maybe someone already discovered it but I came across it while playing around with my supplies. I love the overall grunge effects. lately my style have changed: from a fan of vintage images, now I am more into getting my hands dirty with paint, textures and inks. the whole creative process is a get away from my unsatisfactory life and i wished i could do it more often and have money for more supplies ;p i'm always busting my credit card on craft supplies :O

anyway projects that are done: numbers inchies, under the sea inchies, house atcs, dogs dogs atcs, birds atcs, paris fat pages, tim holtz atcs. WIP to be finished by the end of the week: pretty girls fat page and dark wonderland. to be done: france atcs, sweet house, d fatbook, medical-esque ATCs, NYC atcs, gothic arches, creepy circus and let them eat cakes..

i need a life as you can see..

my fatbook collection is becoming very pretty as well. will need to post a picture soon! :)

paris fatbook

paris fatbook page

Spent the day working on a prototype of my fat page for the paris themed swap fatbook. I'm rather happy with it. The only requirement is to use any item from the collagestuff website (i love this website). I used vintage papers, fleur brown and angel wings german scrap, eiffel sequins, vintage brown lace, tim holtz "creative muse" stamps (love his products line: grungy and inspiring), and printed collage sheets from digitalcollagesheets.com (used as transfer for the ferry wheel and the girl). I'm getting the hang of using layers for my backgrounds. Used ton of acrylics and gesso/gel medium as well and stamps from paperartsy.

I believe the best thing that has happened to me so far "artistically" is:
1. buying bernie berlin's "artisttrading card workshop" book off ebay *highly recommended"
2. joining atcsforall.com

I'm not that prolific in creating but when I do, it goes like boom and I enjoy getting my hands dirty to make my own bgrounds lately. It's a nice addition to simply cut and paste.

I started reading the chronicles of narnia again. yes i'm rather bored lately so thanks god for books

random thoughts

I am sick w/ a cold and not feeling very inspired. Nevertheless I managed to finish my dogs ATCs for the atcsforall site :) I'm rather proud of myself and my personal favourite is the blue, green combo. I'm also working on several other swaps. Creating is the only thing that keeps me going because this week was full of self image issues and negative feelings :/ often I wish I could switch off my brain because I think and feel too much. I'm very OCD about my thoughts and some issues are so traumatic (although of trivial importance) that they're played and replayed on my mind like a broken record. It could be an event, the way someone treats me etc.. It does not matter whether I know that person or not. When it's stuck, it's stuck and I'm good for a few rounds of "I hate myself and wish to die". The woes of poor self esteem eh?

I also had to wash the "kids" and that was tiring. They're just a bunch of stinky, hyper active puppies! Even their mom can't control them and I wonder if we should sell one more. Right now we've 5 dogs, amongst 3 puppies. I love watching them from the balcony. See how cute they can be-they're so short that they can't reach to the top-:

miss lulu and tipotam (he's growing in width than height!)


with mama

Jeez I feel a head ache coming :/ Below are the scans of 2 of my atcs. The rest are *here*

rain and shine

The weather has been very weird for the past days: sunny mornings and rainy afternoons-evenings E-V-E-R-Y-D-A-Y, which is unpleasant only when I need to go out/work as i'm stuck in traffic and choking buses with closed windows :/ This summer is one of the worse so far, we've had no cyclones (yet) and it's very hot and humid, more than usual (climate change effects?)

update 20/01/2009

This post (above) has been lying on my computer for 4 days now :O I am unable to finish it..hehehe Anyway just wanted to do a quick post to link to my flickr account HERE where all my art will be displayed. I'm feeling depressed again though.. I really need some arty inspiration but the island is SO freaking dull :/

welcome 2009!

Because wordpress is a pain to configure, I'm back to blogger despite some recent blurps which made me lose my other blog name :/ In addition my firefox refuses to load blogger.com hence i'm now using google chrome. brr it makes me wonder if this is not a conspiracy to make us use all google products (like the "new"-for me at least-google account and merging of several products). ack.

Anyway I'll use this blog mainly for my creative displays and for challenges, so let's start the year with a "marie Antoinette" one inspired from the "Dans ma maison il y a" challenge blog! I never posted mine on thechallenge  blog since i created it 2-3 weeks after the challenge was made ;P I'm just in a Marie Antoinette mood lately. It must be all the blues in her pictures. My picture sucks-it's fuzzy- and I'm still trying to tweak zillion of things to get clearer pictures and this blog to look the way I want *sigh*