back to square one

After a week of spring like temperatures, we're back to minus x. oh well. Still it's nice to see some birds coming back on sunny days. I saw an American Robin next to the Mississauga Convention Centre. I was like whaaat... because they are spring-summer birds..An early birdie? I hope the dropping temperatures did not affect it. Saw another predator bird from my window today. I love the way they soar in the sky, it's beautiful..the way they glide so effortlessly. Hmm makes me want to do some kite flying.

I'm in the middle of reading "The story of stuff" and it gave me some food for thought. JGZ says I am a pure capitalist but compared to the average American consumer, I am very tame..The speed at which they buy, hoard or throw away items is scary. One example is my aunt's or even my cousin. I understand the constant hammering of "sales-discounts" etc makes it hard to resist especially if one is an emotional buyer like me but it's not impossible. I just hope not to have my soul eaten up completely by this consumerism society.

I often feel drained here, as if I am under water, choking and struggling to reach the surface. I'm looking for something with meaning, something more than fake smiling faces on tv-ads, something with a substance and the worse I don't know what I am looking for :/ I'm also homesick. Mauritius still sucks but what I missed are the connections and my dogs and my fish and the greenness than live in a fucking concrete condo. Work with the earth, the smell of the rain, the leaves, the moist earth, the sea..oh well i guess i need time to adapt. back to square one. It reminds me of my first years at uni where I was home sick, then my first years back to Mauritius where I was homesick for Toronto.

I'm also reading the God of small things and what I like with stories dealing with India is that it reminds me of home, whether the expressions they used etc. Same for Chinese authors, it's like being a kid again when they had chinese stores, street food vendors, chinese new year and family gatherings. All this is being lost as families become smaller and people scatter all around. I guess evolution means some things must go in order to make place for others but it's sad how society is becoming more and more isolated. Like my uncle who lives 15 mins away, we see him and his family only once a year or so. Like a lady was saying, here you need to make appointments to visit your own relatives. I'm not judging anyone because I know they're busy; everyone is. I guess it's the way of living here. Let's see how long I can last before packing to somewhere else.

Spoke with the boy on skype today and each time it makes me realize how much I miss him more every day. Watched "tangled" as well which reminded me of the old Disney-sweet and cute without any tween crap. The part where Rapunzel and her fake mom are "I love you mom" "I love you more" and " I love you most" made me smile. I'm a softie and going through a mid life crisis. LOL

And because I miss the french language:

oh sun how i love thee

There is nothing more pleasant than to come home in the afternoon sun. It was cold but I enjoyed the warmth against my skin. I'm sad that my apartment does not face west as I love the setting sun. I can't complain because it face north e. we got new seating and the good news: i'll be sitting infront of c who is a friend of mine. the sad news is that my neighbour a is moving 2 seats away and i won't be able to chit chat with him in french that often. he's a cool guy to converse with and in many ways makes me think of jf, former co-worker of mine. when it's time to do some convos w/ serious contents like sharing ideas etc i always find guys to be better conversational partners.i don't say women are not, i guess i find it easier to speak to guys about ideas since i'm not into talking about kids, fashion etc

I discovered this blog today: drawing with a squirrel . It's inspiring. I love her use of watercolours and her calligraphy makes me want to use my pens again. I have not done some serious art in 7 months and I should use the longer summer days and my kick ass schedule to do more art.I'm so looking towards summer especially for delicious summer food like salad on full grain bread, yummy cherry tomatoes, balsamic vinegar etc, smoked and broiled salmon and maybe bbq. No more easy junk food.

I'm in the mood for making sushi. I'll drop by the asian supermarket tomorrow and have a look. Need to give it a try next Wednesday when I am off work. finally I opened "les plus beaux manuscrits de Arthur Rimbaud" and it made me miss the times when men were using nibs and quills. With the ever increasing use of the computer, it seems that fine penmanship is getting lot and I don't mean calligraphy only. I could count on my fingers the number of people who've beautiful legible handwriting (I understand it's not the handwriting which makes the person but I'm surprised when I see 30+ years old people having kids handwriting) and this article is rather interesting. Usually french people have nice cursive handwritings while american do more print or kid letters-not to offend anyone.

With the use of computers and the need to be more efficient, people print than write and I did not know that they taught cursive hand writing in school! My teacher never did. We were taught the letter shapes but not the loops etc. I started writing in cursive because I love the look of beautiful hand writing then taught myself calligraphy. Although these days I don't do calligraphy often. There's something soothing in writing "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog" (if my memory is correct this sentence has all the letters of the alphabets) over and over again in italian cursive scripts or to try it in gothic letters. That's my best past time when I've nothing better to do at work or I am stressed. Working with my right brain makes me a happy cherbear. I remembered when I was a trainee at the MCB, I filled pages of calligraphy during my spare time and then threw them away. The beauty of writing with fountain pens (spending 100 bucks plus for a pen is another story), old manuscripts in latin, german etc.. have some beauty than even computer generated fonts cannot compare.

1. three alphabets., 2. ~ one time you cry, and then you die ~, 3. IMG_4466, 4. R+D Wedding Vows and Signature Scroll, 5. Album, 6. Mail Art - Calligraphy, 7. friends, 8. Fatality, 9. humbug, 10. Practice, 11. Practice, 12. Letras, 13. Detail--Hua Fei Hua, 14. arabic calligraphy خط عربي, 15. Lake, 16. laget

All these beautiful texts makes me want to have a running chinese calligraphy script tattoo on my side w/ my name stamp..hmm something to think over

Dead tired lately. Got my quarterly review and it sucks. My audits suck and hopefully I will be able to improve soon. It sucks to move from being a top performer at my former job to a so so one now :/ I will persevere although there's always this little voice at the back of my head which makes me feel insecure about my capabilities and performance. One more day then I am off. yay

Spring is around the corner as well and my goals are:
-Go to highpark to watch the sakuras in bloom and sit under them to enjoy the silence
-Book facials at Pure and Simple
-Go to my combat classes
-Lose my winter fat
-Use my canon Dslr- I did not pay 800 bucks for it to sleep in my closet

I got my new schedule and love it. I work week-ends and off two days in the week which is HIGHLY convenient as I can avoid the week-end crowd. My favorite combat instructor also works on Tuesday and I hope she still does. It's good not to have any family obligations. I'll make it a goal to go downtown every 2 weeks just for the fun of it.

I've been reading this book "Loneliness" which takes a look at loneliness on a scientific and psychological level. So far I found myself identifying w/ the content. I guess I need to be more social in order to be healthy and less selfish? I want to go back to volunteering but my ever changing shifts make it impossible. Want to reconnect with the sick and old and be useful. I feel empty those past days.

Hopefully spring will make me smile.

Saw this nice idea which is birthday list, that is, x number of things to do according to how old you are and before the next birthday. Seems nice. Need to think about it :)

ipad 2 out on march 25

I wonder if it's worth the 1000 price tag (tax included) for 32 GB. No micro SD, USB. Apparently you need to purchase xtra accessories. The ipad interests me since I want to move to ebooks and compared to the other ereader, I assume I am able to view colored ebooks? I'll see when it is released and make an extra effort to drop by the apple store. Seriously I just hate how the store is packed and those annoying sellers in blue.

Finished my zetti pages for AFA trade and signed up for some more. I need creativity. Been feeling bleeh for some weeks now. Hopefully spring will be there soon and cheer me up??

Now I'm off to my 4-midnight work shift...