MIA

I've been terribly busy with work and a bit depressed as well. Will seize the incoming week-end to do some art. I'm also trying to set up a budget in order to save. It's not easy. On Saturday, I went downtown and realised how much I missed the city buzz and the easy access to everything. I'm getting used to Mississauga but nothing can beat living in the city where you can walk to the closest supermarket/shop versus taking the bus for everything.

Readapting to Canada is challenging because of the language barrier. Yes I can say I lived there for 5 years but after 4 years in Mauritius I forgot how the Canadians talk and now I am in a job where I talk to ppl with different accents and bg, well understanding them is not easy and so often I want to give up but I need to make a living so I am crossing fingers, losing hair along the way but I'll keep going and persist even if it takes me more time than others to do the same thing.

I've been working on a soul journal filled with quotes to keep my motivation. It's all I can do for now. Saturday I got a haircut, went to my favourite second hand bookstore (the pic below is of my fave book store) and was surprised to see Yonge St closed due to Live green event in downtown.

Basically there were tents of companies selling "green" products, farmer's market and recycling etc.. The most crowded one was WWF where they were selling shirts and what not for $5. I went to have a look and ppl were more interested in the panda logo items than anything else. There were some interesting groups though but I did not stay long as I was too tired. My trip to downtown took 1.5 hrs instead of the usual 45 mins so no more trip there for me until the Gardiner Expressway is fully repaired! Last time I had to wait for over 2 hours due to congestion and it was really tiring.

I'm so exhausted. I guess mental stress is exhausting me more than the job itself.

why i can't wait to move out

yesterday i left half a pizza to cool. When I came back half of it was gone. I also put the other untouched half in the fridge to bring to work today and I forgot. I checked my food today and guess what my pizza was eaten again. sh*t. I hope by next morning I'll still have my food...

just little things like that amongst others that annoy me.

saying hello

Now that I am working, I know how it feels not to have time to do anything-my unopened bills are piling on my desk, letters to be answered etc . My resolve is to stop napping when I come back from work as then I am unable to sleep at night! Nevermind if I am dead tired or not! Yesterday I received my "the non planner datebook" by keri smith which is exactly what I need.


It's cute although the price tag is high for such a small book. I paid like 22 USD with shipping from Amazon.com as it' not carried by Amazon.ca! Booo!

I love Keri Smith. She's inspiring in her own ways. I have "how to be an explorer of the world" back home, "this is not a book" and "wreck this journal". I like "wreck this journal" because it helps to let go although I have yet to wreck it as instructed. There are so many things I need to work on in my life especially letting go, be less obsessive and perfect. In a few words: embrace my imperfections without fear. I'm also digging this article from martawrites.com because it's something I can relate to whether at the writing or creative level (Have you ever surfed through flickr albums, blogs for inspirations, find yourself being amazed at others work and yet felt drained/overwhelmed once you have to work on yours? A feeling of not being good enough although you went to those sites to be inspired and was inspired but still felt that your own work was not at the level you saw and unconsciously wanted to achieve?). In order to find my voice I need to stop looking at others because sooner or later I end up comparing myself to them.

I jumped into the rainbow books bandwagon-I've no clue how it's called: you simply arranged your books by colours! You can see some of my books there. I still have others on the side (hidden) and more books in the basement. I am ashamed to say that 90% of the books you see there have been bought within the past 4 months I've been in Canada (do the maths). I'm trying to buy second hand as much as I can from ebay (this seller awesomeusa is awesome. Books are as cheap as 2.99, shipping 1.99 and well most are hardcovers but who cares) and from BWM which sells books good as new. Last time I spend 33 bucks there for 5 books which would have cost me twice as much at Chapters or World Biggest bookstore. The books were in very good condition as well, just a mark at the bottom to indicate it's not new or something.


I'm in a Neil Gaiman mood lately. I also tried to organize my nail polishes by colour (although I can't wear the flashy ones to work) and you can see my moomin mugs and tea boxes-I've 5 tea boxes: jasmine tea, green tea, gunpowder tea, oolong, litchi black, etc.. I 've no clue when I'll be able to finish them all but I like to enjoy different tea according to my moods. I have also been working in my journal and hopefully if time allows it I'm making another scrap journal which I'll use as a "soul" journal or motivational one. I already have a few cards with quotes I'll love to integrate in it.



This past days weather has been setting the mood for the incoming fall. I am not ready for the cold and I am not too keen on gray days. If it rains that's still fine but gray cloudy days..no no. Soon I'll have to get a coat and winter clothes..ugh.. MORE expenses!

to do and to see

“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.”Sir Winston Churchill

“If you don't go after what you want, you'll never have it. If you don't ask, the answer is always no. If you don't step forward, you're always in the same place.”Nora Roberts

“Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore.”André Gide

I so want to see this movie :Lage de la raison. It's so dreamy and Amelie like. Another event I really look forward is the Tim Burton exhibition at the TIFF-Toronto but no dates have been announced yet. All I know is that it'll be in November and I have it marked down and will definitely arranged my shifts so as I can go to see it. The collection is usually in NYC. I can't miss that event as I love Tim Burton's work and it's been a while since anything interesting happened in my life! I'm also ready for the Toronto Symphony Orchestra Light classics series: Creepy symphonies which will be played in October. I'm booking my ticket this week once I get my pay and I cross fingers that there'll still be some seats left as it'll be my first ever live symphony.

Sometimes I wonder where time has gone by. Today I was showing JGuy a picture of himself from 2002 and he looks so different now. Older and more tired. Unfortunately I have no pictures of us together at that time. It would have been a great way to compare the "us now" and "us before". I guess one of my regret is not having any pictures of us younger as I have always hated to have pictures of me taken (I Still do) but pictures are the only path to keeping memories alive when they're long forgotten.

When I look at pictures of my family when we were still kids, I can't help feeling sad and a certain longing. Suddenly I'll find myself back to our house before it was renovated, looking at Corps de Garde mountain from my back door, long before Super U supermarket was built and long before we extended our kitchen to the back wall. I'll remember my afternoon after school, peering at my neighbour's land watching birds and chicken (now everything has been replaced by a house and a bitchy neighbour). There are things that cannot be replaced.

I finally bought a clarisonic, and we'll see if it helps for my skin. I do think I see improvements though. Only time will tell. Summer is already coming to an end and it's depressing to see stores putting long sleeves clothes out. Why are they so much in a hurry? I'm adapting to Canada although to be honest, work is altogether a different story. I need to learn to conquer m fears and stop creating unnecessary competition with people in my head. If I always compare myself with what others do, how can I concentrate on being me?I have to accept that at some point, some people are smarter than me and that it is not the end of the world.

He is not here to hold my hand, so I need to learn to walk on my two feet until we meet again.

Ingrid Michaelson - "When the Leaves" (Lyrics)

I love this song

oh rage et desespoire

well nothing is perfect. I just discovered that the samsung galaxy s is not compatible with Mac OS! well there's a way to get around the system but as usual, it's not working for me. At least I can transfer files via blue tooth so it should be ok since it'll be MP3. Still i love this phone as long as you've an internet connection. After zillion of tries I finally discovered how to answer calls..hahaha oh well..you always learn new things right? I'm also in love with Lynday Barry. I will review her book tomorrow. Saturday is already over and what have I done? Nothing besides sleeping, eating and laundry. Since when have my days become so boring?

The BIG plus: loud ring tone (I'm hard of hearing) and loud vibrating option. At least I'll know when someone is calling! With my former phone, I would not even know when it vibrated since it was so weak.

7. ways to relax

Sorry no pictures as each time I am adding them it's messing up my layout. need to see why this is happening.

My favourite way to relax is by reading a good book in a semi crowded place (think of your workplace canteen in the morning when people are grabbing coffees and lounging around but not as crowded as during lunch) which is actually what I've been doing since I started working. I can't deal with crowds and although I am a loner I like being in semi crowded places as long as I don't have to talk to anyone..I know it's weird. else reading at UofT library but not coffee shops as sometimes people are too loud there :(

When I was a teenager another way for me to relax was to go on my balcony, lie on the ramp (with a high risk of falling in my neighbour's garden!) and watch the starry sky-I knew most of the main constellations by heart. I'm sad that city lights prevent me from seeing the constellations here and I even missed the Leonids meteor shower, partly because I thought it was this evening instead of yesterday. Drat. It'll be for next year or in November.

******

I'm done with my second week of training and I must admit that I am tired.I guess partly because I lack sleep and had to leave the house at 7am everyday this week. I'm someone who needs 8 hours of sleep and until my body gets used to it, I'll remain tired and unfocused. My obsessive self is also afraid that my trainer does not like me because I am too quiet. I rarely join their conversations since I'm trying to follow and often I don't know what to say-excuses excuses I know. The downside of being an introvert and a loner. I always sabotage myself first. Oh well. I'm also done with my swaps! yeehah and bought a new phone. The Samsung Galaxy S. I <3>

I was shocked when I saw the amount of tax I am paying but that's life :<>

what can i say? i'm tired. everything will be slower until my body adapts itself.

favourite things project

I could not do mine Friday so here're two:

4. Shoes I own

Like most women, I am a sucker for shoes, more specifically high heels shoes (although wearing them is another story). Here're shoes I have bought so far since my arrival to Canada. I came to the country with 2 pairs of high heels and 2 pairs of Birkis (I've a third pair not shown):

i love my yellow birkis although they were painful to break especially the thingy between the toes

I got the marc fisher and guess shoes on sales at 50% off. A steal! I buy brand shoes only on sales as I'm not that crazy to pay over 100 for a pair unless I REALLY want it

I do look forward to the day where I'll be able to walk with high heels everywhere although for now birkis are my best friends! I guess I'll keep the heels for work :)

5. People in my life

People in my life I'll say my bf JG and my family especially my first brother. I don't consider myself to be family oriented but as I am getting older I realized that people I've always taken for granted won't always be there so it's best to enjoy the present time despite our differences and conflicting views. At 29, I no longer want to be the rebel I was at 17 yrs old. No pictures on this one as I'm quite private :)

I went to the World Biggest Bookstore on Friday and there was some damage :( I highly recommend the Lynda Barry book "What it is" as it's very inspiring. I'm also loving the diaries of Adrian Mole by Sue Townsend-I swear it's so funny :)

Work starts on Tuesday at 8:30. Wish me luck :) Training week so it should not be that bad.