office party

Today i went to buy my clothes for the office party. The theme is black and white with no indications whether it's chic or casual so I am going the casual way; white pants and a long black top. Now my dilemma are the shoes. i am so perfectionist/obsessive that I could make myself sick. I am one of those people for whom everything must be perfect and most of the time I worry myself to death for nothing because in the end this expectation is for me and not the others who're content with whatever you give them. I remember how one day I did not do the calligraphy lettering for my supervisor's card because I felt it was not good enough. In the end someone else did it (more of a scribble) and everyone was content. like what I should lower my own standards. *sigh* i should relax about this party..it's just for fun, it's not like everyone is going to scrutinize me or something. i always feel that everyone else looks great except me..speaking of self confidence eh? puh.

oh well. As I went to Equateur (one of my favorite stores except for the price tag) today, I saw an advertisement for a traveling company. It was so cool. i have to go through an underground way that leads to the other side and they arranged it so that it looked like the entrance of a french metro on one side and on the other, a london one. Inside the underground they had maps of the parisian metro and london ones plus posters of the company with something "making europe closer" It made me so nostalgic to look at the parisian metro map and familiar names like "lena", "l'etoile", "chatelet les halles", etc.. My first glimpse of paris was via the metro and RER. I miss Paris and I am definitely going back. I want to go to the stalls next to Notre Dame and go through the books. Last time I was too shy to do so and bought only a few vintage pin up/ads postcards. Pere la chaise is another must go site-I'm in love with this cemetery and it's victorian feel-, Musee D'orsay and I have to see Marseilles and the site where Marie Antoinette was beheaded. 1 week was too short for me to visit all the museums and sites there. I have so many traveling plans and for now all I can do is dream.

i forgot to add

I received most of my ebay goodies on Saturday!(thanks to JGZ who was kind enough to collect my packets at the PO as I was working and could not do so) It was like christmas! I am such an ebay whore and rubberstamps junkie!

my haul:
- 5 Tim Holtz rubber stamps plates: 40% off regular price. A deal!
- sassaras lass "you're a dear" clear stamps
-3 glimmer mists
-purple onions unmounted stamps at sale price
-Tim Holtz time stencil "time"
-several vintage pages from collagestuffs: japanese dictionary, webster pages, geography pages etc
- "wreck this journal" by Keri Smith- I'm still undecided what to think about it
-tiny metal roses in black, eiffel tower charms and tiny puzzle pieces

Oh joy to the world! I'm still waiting for my tae bo DVDs, some more glimmer mists and a few arty books! yay for online shopping and nay for my credit card :S

rambles

Saturday was sushi party at home and everything was so yummy especially the sashimi! the salmon was firm and tasty and for the first time i ate a local fish "vieille rouge" raw. it was delicious! I was not too keen on the pickled ginger though, finding it too salty to my taste. I prefer by far the one served with the century eggs for chinese new year. For the first time in a long while, my stomach was happy :P The cook hired by dad is really good at japanese food and to think that he cooks for them everyday at work makes me jealous! *sigh*

I am still figuring out whether I should break the piggy bank to get a DSLR. i am eyeing the canon 500SD and hope that by the time my folks go to Singapore, the price will drop. I'm obsessed with macro pictures and the lack of focus in my camera in macro mode annoys me so much. Yet is it a valid reason to splurge on a dslr? A few people I know bought a dslr because the pictures quality is way better but also to show off. Suddenly they're all professional photographs wanna be ; they start to ramble in terms like "point and shoot" for consumer cameras (a term which they did not know before they get their dslr camera), and feel so proud when someone ask them if they're planning pro photography *shrug* The sad part is that 99% of the time they shoot in auto mode..and don't even know the difference between the shutter speed and aperture speed.

Oh well, anyway owning a dslr does not make you a good photograph, nor a piano makes you a pianist.. so why am I ranting? I guess the fear that getting a dslr will make me "just another one of the mass" is what makes me reluctant to get one but at the same time I feel jealous that others have it. *sigh why do i always make uncomplicated things complicated? Why do I even bother about what others do and think when it's my life? Brr I should hit my fingers each time I digress from my own pathway and wishes out of fear of being rejected. This is something I have to work on.

My art journal is a work in progress and although I still find it hard to write down my thoughts, things have improved. I'm doing more pages so that i can jot down quick thoughts on ready made pages when inspiration strikes rather than think hard on an entry because it always end up feeling fake. I find zetti pages fun and a way to unwind after a hard day's work. Currently i am using elements from people's collage sheets and hope to be able to make my own zetti characters in a near future. It's fun to be able to mix and match people's faces, eyes, legs etc.. Zetti is colourful as well and I love teesha moore's collage sheets! The one I did on the right it brighter in real life and although it's not as crowded as the usual zetti collages, I love it :) It deals with the touchy issue that is my weight but at the same time it shows my determination to be thin again which I was 3 years ago! however silly me managed to strain my left leg when exercising but I won't give up. I need to fit in the clothes I left in canada! YES I can!

Hmm I think it's time for me to make a banner for my blog o.O; but my old laptop hates photoshop. I'm always running out of virtual memory when this softwares loads.

"Quotes of the day:

Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else. ~Judy Garland
It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are. ~e.e. cummings"

i am still debating whether I should go to work this Saturday or not. There's so much to do and more is being added. Either I sacrifice my Saturday or it's a week day overtime until 7pm. I'm exhausted though and any option looks unattractive. Gosh I am definitely quitting in January and I hope that I won't suffer from latent burn out/depression, after just like my aunt who was KO for 4 months when she left hers. The workplace is becoming hell, and if you're efficient/productive, they pile more on you and it's just a never ending cycle. I need to reclaim my life!

My right arm is painful from the chest area onwards. Maybe I sprained a muscle and lifting my arm hurts. It's frustrating because the pain is from inside and I've no clue what is wrong. It has been like that since this afternoon. oh well at least I can comfort myself with the fact that today is friday and payday is next wednesday *sigh*

got also a new pair of birkis! I <3 birkis, if my bf was like:"chérie, allons faire le tour de l'ile à pieds" I would reply without hesitation "oui! avec plaisir mon amour!" as long as I got to wear my birkis sandals :P birkis are so comfortable that you could walk for hours and not feel it! I swear my life changed when I bought my first pair and now I am a believer! so it's worth the price tag and nevermind if they're less fashionable.

I also jumped into the art journaling bandwagon. so far i'm creating only unfilled pages as I am unable to write and create at the same time. I hope it's not the artist's fear out of perfection or spoiling the page. I've also been trying zetti pages and it's fun :) more to go!

money

Oh drat, here goes my credit for the month down the drain. Online holiday/overstock sales are killing my budget and it's so hard to resist knowing that these are items that I've been lemming for months! Mind you, I rarely buy in local stores except for shoes, pharmaceutical items and some clothings, everything else is by ebay, etsy or other craft sites *sight* Shipping is killing me but there is such gratification when I get my goodies-I'm so materialistic!

My aunt also came back from her trip in Lourdes-France and it's like she went idols shopping there:candles, chaplets, mini figurines of the virgin Mary and bottles of holy water. I wonder where the religious belief stops and the business starts. I bet there are even genuine water/figurines and fake ones..Oh her intentions are good but the whole Lourdes business is just weird..

Lately I've been trying to be less resistant to work issues and less controlled by time when I am not at work. easier said than done. I want to go back to those days where I could do things on a whim instead of having to go by the clock (ironically I plan and schedule in order to have more free time), go out when I want and create at night or day. I can't create or write "by order" .

Although I am apprehensive of my emigration to Montreal, i am really looking forward to it because it's my ticket to freedom:no more spying on my conversations by the mother/brother, criticism on the way I live and my art and at last I'll be free to go where i want and when I want. I am excited at the thought of walking again in the streets of Toronto, stroll on university grounds, window shopping and then off to explore Montreal.

I need a break from my current life. 4 years in Mauritius have used me thin and I won't ramble about who is to blame-it's worthless digression on self pity.

Art helps me breathe because i am choking down here.

To do list for the future:
-see a live orchestra (4 seasons by vivaldi would be nice)
-europe tour:paris and provence esp sites painted by my favourite painter van gogh, italy, ireland, spain, england
-learn professional calligraphy
-start doing volunteer work again