Wednesday, January 18, 2012

nostalgie quand tu nous tiens

Songs like that makes me nostalgic. It makes me think of my highschool years watching french variety shows every saturday or sunday. I miss poetic lyrics.
I miss french language although it's easier for me to type in english. I guess I was so used to listen-talk in french and write in english that now I feel a bit off since all is english. Each time I read french poetry or listen to french songs it's like meeting an old friend and it feels warm inside. I miss french classic singers like Michel Sardou, Patricia Kaas, Mylene Farmer etc. I guess one generation is over.

Nowadays everything reeks of consumerism and capitalism. It's all about money and material possession. Often Toronto sucks out my energy, it's all about :buy, buy and buy and work to death. Short term happiness that leaves you more frustrated when you can't get your hands on a new toy you want. The anticipation at getting something is often more thrilling than having the item in your hands. Accumulating, hoarding, admiring to fill the hole in your soul. we're the cubicle generation where our sole distraction is the tv or possessing items.

Being fed lies everyday where you're brainwashed into believing that happiness is buying celeb endorsement products, appearance modification or live the american dream yet it's ironic how the highest books sales are self help and pretty tells much you about the average person's state of mind. We want quick fixes in our life and most stuffs seen on tv show that quick fixes can be attained when it is evident that no pain is no gain.

I won't deny: I did use some self help books in the past but at the end of the day, a lot of these authors are not telling anything new, they're just laying black on white what we always knew and they were smart enough to find the golden eggs by marketing their ideas.

I'm mentally exhausted, just want to lie on the sea and drift away watching the sky. Yesterday the weather was fantastic, windy and rainy but not cold. The clouds were passing by quickly as if there was an approaching storm, the air was electric and it felt alive..I spent the mins waiting for the bus outside the bus shelter, savoring the wind against my skin, filling my lungs w/ the smell of rain and newness. I don't know how to explain it, it just felt like back home before a cyclone. The air smells different and not stagnant.

I'm tired. A few people have been complaining that I am too quiet-I was doing fine until some bitch moved the lime light on me. Since when has it become a sin to be quiet? I don't want to spend hours gossiping about x, y and z and pretend we're best friends w/ that person when (s)he is there. I always knew office environment is all about hypocrisy so I try not to get involved too much and prefer to speak when i need to instead of small talks and gossips. I'm not good at small talks anyway because sometimes it feels too inquisitive esp with people I am not familiar with..

I'm so INFP that it SUCKS big deal..

love cali:

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