Wednesday, July 28, 2010

things you don't have

Time flies and what have I done during those past days? Nothing. I missed the gym for a week, did some art here and there and I am still going to do my G1. *sigh* I'm such a procrastinator. I'm watching too much "One piece', pigging on junk food and dozing. I swear it's time to go back on track. I've been doing some thinking (at last! Those past months have made me lazy. I can't recall when I last pick up a good to read or did some critical thinking) and realized that the reason why I've been missing on the good things of life is due to my low self esteem and jealousy/envy. I should stop focusing on what I don't have and enjoy what I do have. I am an introvert, I hate socializing and yet I envy people who've a great social circle. Maybe now the effort has to come from me, if I want to meet people, I have to go to them because no one is a mind reader and they won't know "oh that girl she wants to befriend me" etc.. I need to let go of the fears of rejection or that I am too boring etc..if people worse than I have it, so why not me?

I'm smart and I am the only one sabotaging myself by trying to be perfect all the time. I'll always remember how I made an excuse not to do calligraphy for my ex-supervisor's card because I thought my calligraphy was not good enough despite practising several times. In the end another girl did it, it was crappy but people were happy which led me to think that either their standards were too low or mine too high. I'm obsessed about perfection when it comes to other people, i can easily spend hours trying to find the perfect gift etc. I guess it's time to stop wasting precious minutes on finding perfection and concentrate more on what matters. I am not perfect, I need to learn to embrace my imperfections and start living. Life is too short not to be enjoyed. Breathe, Enjoy and Live.

It's hard but I don't want at 40 to feel the same as I was at 17 or 30.

We had a very orange sunset last Friday. This picture was taken in normal light and not retouched (I'm too lazy to manipulate any of my pictures besides rotating or resizing). I rushed outside to take pictures when I saw this colour from my window.

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