Thursday, September 2, 2010

it rained a few hours ago and as fast as the rain fell, it disappeared. I was hoping for night showers and thunderstorms. Apparently my wish won't be granted. I feel like I am every boss's nightmare. I am making lot of mistakes, hanging on people by error, losing attention and what not. I'm still on training but mistakes are mistakes. It's frustrating as I am someone who usually pick up things fast and now bang, it is no longer working. To keep me going today, I was like "it's a challenge, challenge" but then got a bit confused thanks to someone who'll remain nameless. I need to have more confidence in me such that people who brag they know it all won't touch me because I feel I am not at their level.

I'm scared that after my 3 months probation they'll be like "out" because I am not good enough. I do want to be better but what is not working? oh well I'll clench my teeth and learn and learn until I know all the policies by heart. I'll give my best and if it does not work at least I tried and I'm keeping away from people who give me self esteem issues (you know the kind for whom everything is easy-good for them-but who say it in such a way that you feel dumb next to them). I must not give up no matter what. It is persistence that keeps life going and hopefully mine will last for a while because it's NOT normal to lose sleep because of work, especially training!!

I'm filling my soul journal slowly. Maybe I should start selling some on etsy as they're easier to make than art.. and the extra cash won't hurt.

on the positive side, i booked my seat for creepy classics for the end of october! just can't wait to listen to the orchestra!

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