Wednesday, March 3, 2010

sigh..too hot

i think i should stop pigging on snacks late at night because now i've a bitter aftertaste in my mouth. yucky. it's hot and i am bed. After reading
daisy yellow blog, i felt better about my journaling and has been working on it since yesterday. I still need more time to get back to my pencils-drawing though. I applied for my birth certificate copy and need to fetch it on Friday. I swear the heat in the city is enough to stop me from going there! I finally got my tae bo DVDs as well and will start working out tomorrow. I've been lazying around for too long. Trying those new DVDs will give me an excuse to get off the bed/computer chair o.O; As much as I am excited to move to Montreal, I am having second thoughts as well. One thing I am sure is that I don't want to stay here-Mauritius- but at the same time i feel like I will be leaving part of me. It feels even more weird when you come back after years living abroad and see how people have gotten old and that you've missed so many events where you should have been present; it's like growing up missing an arm. There's an embarrassing, "clumsy" feeling that prevails.

At least that was how I felt when I came back from my uni years and saw my parents: suddenly i realized how old they were and how fragile too. Now i wonder in how many years will I see them again? Last time I noticed the deep wrinkles my mother is starting to have around her eyes, the growth spur my brother went through and how estranged we are now from our childhood. It's true that when you see people everyday, you unconsciously take them for granted and there is a call back to reality only when you see them after a long time or something tragic happens. during those 3 years i took many things for granted, I don't have regrets per se; i'm just puzzled and scared that when the regrets will come it'll be too late to mend things up. I should learn to be more spontaneous.. 3 years in Mauritius and I have become overly suspicious and cautious about people and it seems that my past is catching up on me.

I feel frustrated because right now I am struggling to lay down my thoughts on paper/blog.

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